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Suggestions for exam content for proposed DJH Diploma in DJing...

Suggestions for exam content for proposed DJH Diploma in DJing...

64 replies [Last post]
smashdad's picture
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 02:03
*places tongue firmly in cheek*

So far the, "It's not as good as it used to be...", thread has formulated a basic structure...

dave mothersole wrote:
... anyone playing house music really needs to have a complex understanding of the roots and history of the genre before being allowed to do so. there should be exams on the subject really, with a strict no diploma no show rule.


Count Cookula wrote:
There ought to be a practical part to the test as well as a written part.

"Right then Mr. Nu-Jack, when I hit the console hard with my left hand, I want you to implement an emergency back-spin."


dave mothersole wrote:
smashdad wrote:
Would the questions be multi-choice?

Please.


i think so. alongside a 2000 word essay, and, as cc suggested, a practical. then, after successful completion of all three parts of the exam, the applicant would be given his or her dj license.


So now all that is needed are some;
- multi-choice questions
- suggestions for practical elements
- essay titles

Bish-bosh, someone pulls it all together and licences it as another 'revenue stream' for DJH...

Thinking caps on and suggest away...
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dave mothersole's picture
#1
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 02:10
Smile
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smashdad's picture
#2
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 02:15
Q1: In the beginning...
a) ... God created the Heavens and the Earth
b) ... there was Jack
c) ... Fraunhofer-Gesellshaft created the audio compression algorithm
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ivan_smackhead's picture
#3
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 12:23
Q2: the first club you went to was...

a) the youth club
b) the paradise garage
c) the tufty club
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iamrobd's picture
#4
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 11:48
The 'Is it Balearic?' paper.
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Zucco's picture
#5
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 11:51
Essay question:
Was house really disco's revenge? Discuss.
(25 marks)
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smashdad's picture
#6
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 12:08
Q3
A dancer staggers up to the booth and asks you for 'some Crazy Penis', do you...
a) punch them
b) fuck them
c) nonchalantly dig out an early release on Paper Recordings and cue it up...
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smashdad's picture
#7
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 12:10
Practical

DJ for 40 minutes while 3 amateurs surround you, flapping in an increasingly agitated manner, as they attempt to connect your mixer to the local Highways Control traffic-light system. Remain serene, unruffled and professional throughout...
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smashdad's picture
#8
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 12:11
Essay (in no more than 250,000 words)

Harvey; discuss...
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ivan_smackhead's picture
#9
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 12:31
Q4: you hear someone say, "now that's HOUSE". are they...

a) playing bingo and just completed a card.
b) cracking one off to an unreleased Dance Mania test pressing from 1987.
c) watching that posh twat put on an american accent and play a doctor on telly.
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LordMuck's picture
#10
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 12:44
Q5. The first generally-accepted House record is:

A) Conlon Nancarrow's Study for Player-Piano #1, 1948
B) Jesse Saunders - On and On
C) Stardust - Music Sounds Better With You
D) First release on Hot Creations
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smashdad's picture
#11
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 12:40
Q6:
As an aspiring DJ you believe that;
a) it's all about the mix
b) it's all about the selection
c) it's all about getting biblically wankered and hoping that not too many people notice
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sjp's picture
#12
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 13:09
Q7. Tick the option that best describes how others perceive you:
a) Best dressed chicken in town
b) Poppa large
c) Fancy dancer/sweet romancer
d) As serious as cancer
e) Just a c*nt
sjp
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dave mothersole's picture
#13
Fri, 22/03/2013 - 01:11
with which legendary frankfurt club is dj sven vath most associated with?

a) shamen
b) omen
c) amen
d) oh man, these questions are terrible
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smashdad's picture
#14
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 13:04
Practical
Make your way from the booth, across the crowded dancefloor, past the bar and up the stairs to the toilet - do what you're bursting to do and then make your way back to the booth. You have 6 (six) minutes before the club will be plunged into silence. GO!
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ivan_smackhead's picture
#15
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 13:26
Q9: you're asked for your opinion of The Saint. do you...

a) argue that Greavsie was really the talent on that show.
b) say you preferred Ian Ogilvy's portrayal of the suave trouble shooter.
c) go misty eyed and wax lyrical about the Peter Spar sound system which had the amp room placed inside the old organ loft, because it used to be the Commodore Theatre and there were just rows and rows of amps. they operated so coolly and were not even operating at 50% power. it was one of the tricks he used, nothing was ever straining; consequently the sound was never forced or distorted. It looked like one of the hi-tech rooms from a James Bond movie.
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maximitosis's picture
#16
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 13:25
You're in the pub on a rainy tuesday night, feeling mournful after a big weekend. Your mate goes "I loved it when DJ spunkbubble played the obscure remix of Johnny Bigtune's summer smash." Your response should be....

a) Yes mate, it really brought the house down
b) meh, i've had it on whitelabel for years. i'm pretty sick of it
c) did he? Sorry mate, all I can remember about the evening was the queue and waking up in some dodgy bloke's house in woodford at 2pm on Sunday
d) I don't know what we bought off those guys - were those beans smacky?
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ivan_smackhead's picture
#17
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 13:43
Q11: in the queue for the club, do you...

a) swallow your stash knowing you'll be inside by the time they start working.
b) think i'd better save a few for the boys who are coming later and give them to your bird to hide inside her clunge, knowing the door staff won't look "there".
c) keep them in your sock and take a punt on getting past the door staff, safe in the knowledge that even if you're busted you can always buy them back at an inflated price later from the same door staff's preferred seller.
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smashdad's picture
#18
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 13:44
Q12
Larry Levan was;
a) a children's television character in the late 80s
b) a firm of French removal lorries for hire
c) akin to a deity and basically the reason you're sitting this exam you snot-nosed, ungrateful, Phillistine
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sjp's picture
#19
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 13:54
Practical (Session 2)
Six long-defunct white label cosmic disco edits lie on the table before you. Utilising only your olfactory system, pick the least valuable for audacious resale on Discogs. Points will be allocated according to margin gained.
sjp
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LordMuck's picture
#20
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 14:06
Q13. The minimum quality for a digital file in a club environment is:

A) Whatever YouTube uses
B) 320 Kbps MP3
C) 24 bit 96,000 kHz uncompressed
D) Digital files are not acceptable under any circumstances and never will be

[500 marks]
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ivan_smackhead's picture
#21
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 14:09
sjp wrote:
olfactory


word of the day/week/year Hat
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smashdad's picture
#22
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 14:09
Q14
A punter at your deep house gig keeps requesting the latest r'n'b 'jams', do you;
a) indignantly point out that you are an artist crafting a musical journey all of your own making
b) patronisingly suggest you'll have a look and see what you've got but basically ignore them
c) decapitate them with one swift strike from your custom-edged Destiny's Child 12" picture disc
d) start doing a) before rapidly resorting to b) whilst wishing all the time you could do c)
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lee_tree's picture
#23
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 14:15
Q15

You suddenly find yourself in front of some Soundlab DLP1's, do you...

a) Think....ahhh one day a pair of mighty 1210's will be mine
b) Give the platter and spindle little knowing nudge...again, again and again
3) Wonder what the f*k 'belt driven decks'? & 'wha'ts all this talk of real mens decks?'
4) No idea what to do...
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ivan_smackhead's picture
#24
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 14:18
Q16: Greg Wilson is talking about his Revox B77. is it...

a) a vitamin supplement for his arthritic knees, after all those years carrying boxes of records to gigs.
b) his reel to reel tape player that he utilises to devastating effect educating all the new jacks.
c) a classic car he inherited from his grandfather.
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ivan_smackhead's picture
#25
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 14:29
Q17: is Bruce Forest...

a) a place of natural beauty in the english countryside.
b) a type of rich, creamy, gateau topped with pine nuts.
c) the skinny straight, white guy, who replaced Tee Scott at Better Days, one of New York’s best black gay clubs in the disco and early house era. having won over the hard-to-please crowd, he took it on to a new level, guiding it through the house era before becoming a full-time remixer and producer.
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smashdad's picture
#26
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 14:28
Q18
When confronted by a vinyl-only snob as your preceding DJ should you;
a) fall to your knees and bestow the adoration he clearly feels he's entitled to
b) slap him boisterously on the back despite knowing full well about his degenerative shoulder condition
c) point out that data doesn't jump whilst jogging each of his three outgoing records as you connect up your laptop
d) maintain a dignified silence in the face of his inevitable, tedious, rant about 'warmth' and 'blah' and 'blah, blah, blah...'
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smashdad's picture
#27
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 14:46
Q19
When you drop a personal favourite and the dancefloor gives it an unexpectedly fantastic reaction you should
a) fuck the next mix off, leave the booth immediately, join the crowd and dance like no-one is watching
b) stay in the booth but throw all sorts of disconcerting shapes behind the decks
c) maintain your composure, nodding cooly, but no more than that
d) mask, as best you can, your complete amazement at the reaction and your growing panic over what the hell to play next
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sjp's picture
#28
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 14:49
When you see models on oki-ni.com wearing the world's worst trousers , do you:

a) Pour scorn on them for wearing the world's worst trousers
b) Wish you were being paid in serious yen to sport the world's worst trousers
c) Both
sjp
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dave mothersole's picture
#29
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 15:43
Q19

what did mr c sing on the chorus of the shamen's 1990 hit ebenezer goode?

a) e's are good
b) peas are good
c) it's all good, baby
d) oh good, nashville is on telly tonight
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Count Cookula's picture
#30
Thu, 21/03/2013 - 14:55
sjp wrote:
When you see models on oki-ni.com wearing the world's worst trousers , do you:


Ahh, them were t'days.

Surely there must be some young turk designers challenging for the prestigious title?
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